Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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