So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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