Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
