i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
