Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
