Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
