i think my tv is drunk
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
