i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
