Plan B is the new Plan A
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
