Buhtt sex?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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