I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
