Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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