it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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