Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
