Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
