You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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