The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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