she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
