My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
