Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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