my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
