Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm both gender and math confused
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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