Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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