My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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