just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
