I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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