Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
