I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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