I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
