I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
