Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
