My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
