Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
