is your mom at the bar?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
