all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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