I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
