We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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