did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
