I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
