Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
