she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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