If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
