Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
