i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize