the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
