Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
