Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
