I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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