Sry I called you an 8
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
