Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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