I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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