I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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