I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
